if i knew you were going to be a failure, i would try my best not to notice you nor even get a glimpse of you. i would shut down my ears so i’ll stay deaf and not hear your voice. i would cover my nose so that i won’t be enticed by your familiar scent. I would even go to places that no one dares to go just to minimize the chances of ever meeting you.
i hate failures like you. If i could dispose you off to unreachable places, i would. if i could make you vanish to thin air, i’ll kill just to do so. you are the worst thing that ever happened to me; the worst circumstance that Fates had designed for me.
you remind me of a nagging pain that just won’t go away. a festering scar that makes me feel unwell. why did you ever come across me? of all people, why you?
How i hate the Fates! How i detest the mechanism of destiny! Damn the so-called love that brought me all this insane reactions, violent emotions and unlikeable behaviors that slowly corrupting my normally stable head. darn you for making me hate the world.
i want you out of this world.

i always watch you from afar.
you are a star so out of reach, a rose i could only smell but can never pick.
like a mountain from a distance, you seemed within my grasps.
but when i get a closer look, i’m surprised to find that you’re so high and i couldn’t even lay a finger on you…
but still, i want you…
you know, my heart wishes for you to notice what it beats for, what it asks for but for us who live in entirely different worlds, it is truly impossible.
a love my soul demands, an emotion so strong it gives pain only you can relieve. if only you felt the same way as i do, if only you could care for me as much as i care for you, if only you could love me as strongly as i love you then the hollow in my soul and the emptiness i felt were never true. #

like ghost, it haunts me.
face myriad others reflect,
how will i forget?

thorn really draws blood
as petals lure to be picked
in time, you’ll be pricked.

he gave me roses,
red as wine with leaves so green
where thorns lay beneath.

grim ripper showed up.
my head detached; my heart stopped
my cheeks kissed the floor.

in between shorelines,
mind’s submerged in seawater
sinking, out of breath.

the locked drawer has no key
but a playful mind could have access
provided he’s determined.

with the winds playing,
leaves grooving to their rhythm,
sunlights are streaming.

bulbs flicked; eyes sparkled.
vein is found; alas a sign.
on its way’s a change.

i never really experienced what it feels like to be hugged or how good it is to pour out all your hatred and anguish to two very attentive ears. i let everything stacked up, piled up until my whole space just can’t contain all of them and eventually burst all over the place. my eyes would smarten up and the next thing i knew i was locked up inside the bathroom using bath time as an excuse to pour out all my tears and pain. i do it all on my own, never leaning on anyone and never giving someone a chance to peek in my thick, hard shell.
trust comes hard to a person who’d done something that made him aware about how distrusting humans could get. giving one an easy access to his weakened state is like destroying one’s kingdom. God bless those who could trust enough to be considered a good person.

i never did learn the art of making and keeping friends. as one chapter of my life ended, i tend to forget everything that goes with it, including the memories and friendships I’ve made. my mind was already programmed to focus on what lies ahead and not on the paths i’ve already taken and left behind. wrong mindset, it seems. here i am now with no real friend to ask for guidance and advice and no shoulder to lean on in times of my weakness.
    why, i always make mistakes and what’s so stupid about me making them is that i always end up making the worst ones.

it’s really appalling how stupid we appeared in front of unsuspecting spectators due to her negligent actions. behold our embarrassing stance, the spotlight has already been pointed toward us. My gall, but it felt like i’ve been strewn naked in front of thousand nobles. it sucks, man. it sucks!

there are madness in everyone’s eyes. i can’t even begin to describe the blaze of bewilderment nor the wild static that wanted to take over the whole part of my being. crazy emotions, worst circumstance ever, the very wielding presence of hatred and outrage.

i want to change myself, make it a better one but i find it difficult to do so. everytime i tried, it lasted only for a short while. i never succeeded and ironically, it keeps getting worse..

i need some help. is there anyone out there who can tell me what to do? someone who could offer me an advice or a method or a way so that i’ll be a better person.

my life’s getting wasted and i’m turning to desperation the way i’m leading my life on..

SOS please..

its a mistake. forcing myself into renewing acquaintances with my former colleagues is like stepping on a familiar ground where you’re no longer accepted. it’s like being alienated from your own homeland that it felt like there’s no reason for you to come back.

look, it isn’t everyday that one accept mistakes and asks for forgiveness but for God’s sake, it’s not necessary to be made a fool and so out of place..

I FOUND MYSELF IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT NATURE…

EVERYTHING’S SO UNFAMILIAR…

UNUSUAL, ODD… ENTIRELY DIFFERENT…

IT SEEMS LIKE EXISTENCE IS LOST…

VANISHING FROM THE WORLD YOU KNOW…

I CAN’T FIND MYSELF…

IT’S ODD; IT’S DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I’M USED TO…

BUT I CAN’T GO BACK… BACK TO MY OLD SELF…

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I’VE CHANGED…

NO ONE EVEN MYSELF…

BUT I THINK THAT’S PART OF THIS WHOLE DIMENSION’S REALIZATION…

REALIZING THAT LIFE HAS MANY THINGS TO OFFER…

AND IN ACCEPTING THAT OFFER, A BIG PART OF YOU IS REFORMED…

JUST AS MUCH, WITH THIS NONSENSE, AN IDEA CAN BE PROVED…

PERMANENCE ISN’T REAL; CHANGE IS.